My father always said that life wasn’t fair. And it probably isn’t. But sometimes it feels like you’re hit with unfairness at the most inopportune times. Like when you’re eighteen years old and you’re in love and you desperately want to spend the rest of your life with your lover. Or when you’re twenty-five and you’ve just been given an opportunity of a lifetime – the chance to pursue your studies further and maybe even advance your career. Or when you’re thirty-five and you’ve just bagged a promotion at work. And then you find out that you’re unexpectedly pregnant. With no clear idea of how to balance the responsibilities of your career with your family life, you’re faced with the biggest decision of your entire life. Would you put your dreams on hold, or would you take the leap and become a full-time mother? Like so many other things in life, it’s a case of: What would Barbara Rose Brooker do?
If you’ve ever wondered what the most successful women in history would do if they were faced with the same choice you’re facing right now, then you’re in the right place. In these ten steps, you’ll discover the secrets to a long, happy life that I’ve discovered from studying history’s most successful women. And you’ll find guidance on how to make the right decision for you.
Step one: Identify your strengths
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to be able to manage their affairs effectively even when faced with extremely stressful situations? Why are some people able to keep their cool and remain confident in situations that most people would find difficult? Would you like to know how they do it?
The answer lies in their personalities. Just like with men, women’s personalities vary widely. Some women are very assertive and independent, while others are more submissive and maybe even a little bit weak. But that’s what makes it so interesting. No two women are ever the same, and that’s what makes it so worthwhile to study them. It might not always be easy, but as you learn to recognize your own personality traits, you’ll be able to better understand why certain individuals behave the way they do.
For example, let’s say you’re in a bar and you meet a stranger who you really want to talk to. But you’re not exactly sure how to go about it. Normally, you’d say something like “Excuse me, I was wondering if you have time to talk?”. But what do you say if you’re nervous? What if you’re not sure whether or not she’s going to like you? Would you even say anything at all?
These are all questions that you need to ask yourself before you even start talking to the stranger. To figure out the best way to approach her, you’ll need to examine your own personality. Are you an assertive person? Do you tend to speak your mind? Would you rather keep your distance or would you like to get closer? Are you friendly by nature or more of an introvert?
The more you know about your own personality, the more you’ll know how to approach the world around you. You’ll have a clearer idea of how you should behave in different situations. And you might even come to realize that there are situations where you shouldn’t behave at all. For instance, let’s say that you’re a very independent person who doesn’t like to depend on other people. In that case, you should probably stay away from politicians and corporate leaders. But maybe you should approach barristers and solicitors – they can be quite the opposite. It’s all about finding the right balance. And that, my friend, is what separates the super-successful from the average Joe.
Step two: Identify your weaknesses
Now, you might be thinking that step one was more difficult than step two. But that’s just because you’ve only been looking at the positive side of things so far. Weighing up your strengths against your weaknesses can be a useful way to look at things. Like with the barristers and solicitors I mentioned earlier, your strengths might not be what they seem. Take a listen to Mary Poppins if you need some inspiration.
So, let’s say you’re a very, very assertive person and you need to hide that side of yourself for most of the time. Maybe you even have to hide it from yourself. Isabel Allende, the latest in a line of strong women from Chile, often credits a daily writing practice with helping her deal with her extreme feelings of independence. She believes that by writing whatever is on her mind every day, it allows her to process and understand her emotions better. So, while most people might shy away from talking about their feelings, the great woman writer is very open about hers.
Now, you might not always be able to change your weaknesses into your strengths. But that’s something that you need to accept about yourself and move on. It’s all part of the evolution. Like with the character Tom Hanks’ famous line in *The Money Game*, “You can’t always get what you want.” Sometimes you have to settle for what you have.
Step three: Look at how others see you
How would you describe yourself? Are you a people person or an automaton? Are you a troubleshooter or a problem solver? What type of person are you?
These are all fundamental questions you need to ask yourself if you want to become successful. Because while we might think that ourself-image is just a cosmetic concern, it’s actually a crucial part of how we behave in the world. How we answer these questions will determine whether or not we approach problems in a mechanical way, with little thought for our own emotions, or in a more humanistic way, considering our own feelings.
For instance, let’s say that you’re a very assertive person and you need to hide that side of yourself for most of the time. Maybe you even have to hide it from yourself. Would you be more likely to go into business for yourself or would you prefer to work for others? What if you’re an extremely caring person and you want to put your entire self behind your work? Do you see yourself more as a worker or as an employer?
These sorts of questions aren’t easy to answer. But, by putting them on paper, you’ll be able to figure out what sort of person you should be striving to be. You don’t want to fake it. You want to be you.
Step four: Look at how you see yourself
As you learn to be more honest with yourself, you’ll learn to be more honest with others. Just like with the barristers and solicitors I mentioned earlier, your strengths might not be what they seem. Just like with Mary Poppins, you might be a masterful songbird who’s actually struggling with an unresolved trauma from childhood. While we might assume that the fantastic success of Judy Garland’s career was only down to her talent as an actress, it’s quite possibly due to her vulnerable childhood that she was able to channel all of that emotion into her work. That ability to express herself so effectively through singing – despite all those years of pain – made her a ticking time bomb of unresolved trauma. All of which led to her tragic passing in May 1954. Never has a film star been more obscurely featured in such remarkable films as *E.T.A.
So, while we might assume that the brilliant mind of Ava Gardner was somehow able to put all of her intelligence and entrepreneurial skill into creating a multimillion-dollar film empire, it’s quite possibly due to her fragile frail body that she was constantly hounded by illnesses throughout her life. The woman who embodied the glamorous golden age of Hollywood would pass away in 1978, at the age of sixty-three, from colon cancer.
These sorts of things can be difficult to discuss openly. But by examining our own psychology and that of historic greats, we can begin to understand how certain behaviors contributed to their great successes. And that’s a great step forward.