There’s no question that the world of dating has changed thanks to the existence of Tinder. For those of us who grew up in the age of courtship and dating milestones – the first kiss, the engagement ring, the wedding day – the concept of swiping left or right to find your perfect fit literally took the place of meeting people and connecting through conversation.
But while the dating world has become a bit more streamlined, other parts of life haven’t changed. Like, for example, the way girls think about sexuality and dating.
Here, we’re going to take a look at how modern-day girls think about sex, love, and romance, and whether or not those are still three separate things.
How Modern-Day Girls Think About Sex, Love, And Romance
Let’s be honest: Most of us grew up in the era of unrealistic expectations. In the ‘90s, it was customary to expect your boyfriend to sweep you off your feet and declare his undying love for you. But what if that doesn’t happen?
In a recent study, scientists asked heterosexual young adults to imagine themselves in a situation where they had to choose between having a long-term committed relationship and having sex with a stranger. Most people said that they would go for the uncommitted sex, even though it was “less ideal” according to societal expectations.
This might help to explain the growing “FBR” (friend-with-benefits) trend. The idea behind the term is that if you’re close with a guy’s friend then you’re not “really” dating – you’re just helping out with a casual relationship. But even with this in mind, the trend continues to grow, as casual sex has become more accessible than ever before. Thanks, in part, to the rise of the “Me Too” movement and the changing social and cultural norms around consent and rape culture.
As the saying goes, the world is changing and we need to change with it. It’s now possible to have long-term committed relationships without fear of being pressured or blackmailed into a “casual” hook-up, and this newfound empowerment should be celebrated – not vilified. So let’s be honest about what happened in the ‘90s, and why this era will always be remembered as the “sexually innocent” era.
The Rise Of The “Me Too” Movement
If we’re being honest, most of us have probably done or said something in the past that we’re not really proud of. But it’s important to realize that those actions don’t define us. Just like other aspects of our lives, we can learn from our mistakes and grow from there.
Take the #metoo movement, for example. Started as a hashtag on Twitter to call out sexual harassment and gender-based injustice, the #metoo campaign was eventually turned into a standalone movement that encouraged women and girls to come forward with their own allegations of sexual assault and harassment. To this day, the movement continues to grow and change with every new generation. Even the way we date has changed, as more and more people are getting married later in life and choosing to buck the trend entirely. When you put all of this together it’s easy to see why this era will be remembered as the “sexually innocent” era.
Romantic Relationship History (Part I): Why Are Marriage And Baby Boom Years Still Considered The Gold Standard Of Relationships?
So you’ve decided to give a relationship a go, and it’s been going well for you. You’ve been getting along famously with this person and think that you’ve finally found the one. Or maybe you’ve been in a relationship for a while and things are starting to feel a bit stale. Whatever the case may be, you’ve made the right decision and are confident that this is going to work out for the best.
Then, out of the blue, you get a shock. Your partner reveals to you that they’re actually a virgin, and even though you didn’t see it coming, the news comes as a genuine shock. Why? Because you assumed that they’d been in previous relationships and had experienced the “thrills” of a romance. Turns out, you were wrong. They’ve never really been in a relationship before and are essentially “virgins” at heart. This revelation didn’t come with a manual for how to proceed, but it undoubtedly changed the way you looked at things. Now, not only are you worried about whether or not they’re going to jump into bed with you on the first date itself, but you also have to ask yourself, “Am I capable of making them feel loved and appreciated?” Instead of the anxiety that you were worried about before, you’re now faced with the pressure to perform. And if you mess up, it could end in heartbreak.
Romantic Relationship History (Part II): Since When Are Commitment And Monogamy Considered “Traditional”?
Now, it’s not that all virgins are bad. After all, some are just really good at remaining unresponsive to any form of attraction. So, as terrible as the above scenario is, you have to admit that there’s something kind of appealing about it. No strings attached sex – a pure moment of physical pleasure – is exactly what you’re looking for, and if it’s unplanned then it’s unapologetically so. This kind of arrangement suits you perfectly and you can’t help but wonder whether or not it’s going to last. You want to be with this person for the rest of your life, and that means investing in a diamond or a platinum band.
But guess what? That’s not all there is. For those of us who are looking for something more long-term, monogamy and commitment are no longer taboo. Instead, they’re now considered “traditional” relationship ideals. And just like that, the tables have turned. You want to be seen as the one who’s “traditional” now, not the one who broke the rules. So if you’re looking for a relationship that’s going to last, then it might be a good idea to follow the lead of the millennials and choose serial monogamy over traditional monogamy. If that’s what you want then go for it, but understand that you’re now going to have to work a bit harder to prove your “traditional” status. And that, my friend, is what’s making this era so interesting.
This is the first of a two-part series on how modern-day girls think about sex, love, and romance. In this part, we’ll explore why marriage and baby-boooming are still considered the gold standard of relationships; in the next part, we’ll dive into whether or not commitment and monogamy are still considered traditional ideals.